When I was 17 I spent six weeks at a children's home in Ensenada, Baja California, Mexico. I served there as an intern. The most profound moments I spent there, was when I watched three children leave the home.
It was a foggy, Saturday morning. It had been colder than normal and these three beautiful children were going back to live with their mom. Everyone was standing outside saying their goodbyes. Everyone was crying, as the kids got into the bed of a pick up truck. Their stuff was next to them in black, plastic garbage bags as they prepared to drive away. Their mom was in the front seat with her new husband. He was a nice, kind man who would treat them well. And with that they drove away into the world. You could see the tops of their heads over the tailgate.
And as I watched this seen unfold, and I held the hands to two little kids who were not going home that day, I looked around and noticed Edna. Edna ran the children's home, and she was standing off to the side, kind of out of the way. And she had tears running down here cheeks. And after the truck was out of sight, she wiped her face and went inside.
And in that moment, I had thought to myself, "how can she just let them drive away like that? She loved them and invested so much into them. And now, they are gone."
Today I have become Edna. The caregiver, the one who loves them so much, watching them drive away. And my heart is breaking. My Eduardo will leave today, after making some huge, very unwise decisions. And I understand the situation. My head works just fine, but my heart is broken. The decision wasn't mine, but I can't help but question, what is best for him? No one else sees much good in him, and I just feel bad.
He had never believed that he would be told to leave this place. And after the decision was made and he was told, he came with me and we went on a short walk. We walked to a bench and sat down. He asked a few questions and then started crying. I cried with him, I'm still crying now. I said, "Eduardo, but you are going back with your mom. You always tell me how much she loves you and you love her. You tell me how nice she is and that you love your grandma too. You had told me you wanted to leave and be with her."
And he said, "Andrea, I never wanted to leave like this. And how is she going to love me after all I have done?"
I tried to assure him that a mother's love doesn't end because you made a mistake and that his mom will always love him no matter what he does. I hope I'm right. So if you read this blog today or tomorrow or in a couple weeks, please pray for me and Eduardo.
I know in my head that God is sovereign and He works all things for good. My heart just hurts.
